apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
