My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
