Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize