I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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