i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
