I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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