I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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