You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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