in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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