worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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