I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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