i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
