Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
