I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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