You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
