Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
