I think I died a long time ago.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
