just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
