Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
