I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
