We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
