Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
