they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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