are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
