I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
