New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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