I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
