I accidentally burped into my bong.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i've created a new STD.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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