I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
