how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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