I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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