She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Pooping to opera.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
