Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
