all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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