dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
