Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
