What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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