i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
