we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
