he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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