i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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