Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize