Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
ttyl tear gas
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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