ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
