i think my mom watched the whole time
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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