I'm so fucking centered right now
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
BRING THE BAGELS
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
