Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
