i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
