he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
