he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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