Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
