Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Did I show you my penis last night?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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