these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
