In America we eat man semen.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
