Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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