Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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