There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
