His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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