wat bout pragnant strippers??
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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