There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize