It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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