Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
