I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize