i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
