you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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